


I want you to see me for me

by majesticduxk



Series: BoKuroo2020 [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Akaashi Keiji is a Good Friend, Alpha Kuroo Tetsurou, BoKurooWeek2020, Bokuto Koutarou-centric, Bokuto is dramatic, Bokuto needs to use his words, Getting Together, M/M, Mild Angst, Miscommunication, Omega Bokuto Koutarou, Omega Verse, Omega!Bokuto, distressed Bokuto, internalised sexism, new relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:21:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28360839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/majesticduxk/pseuds/majesticduxk
Summary: Bokuto has been hiding his omega status for ages. He’s just not a great omega so why make life harder than it has to be? But then he falls in love with Kuroo, the most amazing alpha. And Kuroo likes him. But Kuroo thinks he’s an alpha.Bokuto’s life really sucks.
Relationships: Bokuto Koutarou/Kuroo Tetsurou
Series: BoKuroo2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2077008
Comments: 5
Kudos: 78
Collections: Bokuroo Week 2020





	I want you to see me for me

**Author's Note:**

> I decided to take part in the bokuroo week, and this is for day 1. The prompt I went with was “that came out wrong”

There were certain _expectations_ when it came to omegas. 

That they were pretty. Dainty. Delicate. Quiet.

Basically, everything that Bokuto Koutarou was not. Not that Bokuto was ashamed of his body. He reveled in his strength! He was strong, and tall - not the tallest, but he spiked his hair up to look that bit taller, cos if you’ve got it, flaunt it, right? And that kind of covered up the roundness of his hips and ass, which were the most omega like part of him. 

Bokuto knew he wasn’t the most emotionally balanced, and the added turmoil of being the butchest omega around got too much and was without hormone spikes. Bokuto hated to think of what he’d be like if he had _hormones_ regularly flooding his system, so from practically the moment he had his first head Bokuto got quarterly suppressant injections. It meant he had a natural heat every three months, which sucked, but since there was no way he would have remembered to take a pill every day, this is what he dealt with. 

For the rest of the time, he didn’t even have to think about it. Those shots suppressed _everything_ \- including his scent. He didn’t want to smell like a null, so he used soaps that smelt like things he liked. Which honestly was kind of like his natural scent, but because they were obviously synthetic, people just teased him about smelling like an omega. It was easy to shrug it off, and he felt a little better knowing that he kind of smelt like himself. 

And since everyone – alphas, betas and omegas - had that few days a month they had off, no one questioned him when he had his days off. And that suited him just fine. Heats fucking sucked, but then they were over for another quarter, and being a typical high school student, he just took those extra free days every month because why the hell not?

So yeah. Life was pretty good. He had friends, he had volleyball, and that was all he needed. 

And then he met Kuroo Tetsurou.

~o~

Nekoma’s captain was coo. There was no other word for it! Kuroo Tetsurou was really fucking _cool_. He had the best grin. And the best laugh. And he was tall. And he looked so good in red. And-

“Surely, Bokuto-san, you should be telling Kuroo-san this. Not me.” 

Akaashi sounded long suffering, but that wasn’t really fair, as Bokuto hadn’t said that much and- 

“Every. Damn. Day. Every day you tell me about how wonderful Kuroo-san is. Just… just go make friends, Bokuto-san. Please?”  
Oh. Oh, that was a damn good idea! Who would turn down the opportunity to be friends with Bokuto Koutarou, spiker and ace and Futurodani! 

~o~

Kuroo. That was who. 

In the worst experience of his whole entire existence, Kuroo took one look at him and left the room. Why? Why? Bokuto couldn’t stay after that, and took off to find some privacy to mourn. Perhaps that was too dramatic, but as he lay on the ground, a hand flung across his eyes, he bemoaned his fate. 

“All I wanted to do was be friends. And hang out. And play volleyball? Why? Why?”

Something nudged his shoulder, and he ignored it. 

Then it nudged him again. Sitting up, Bokuto glared at shoe.

“Stop kicking me Akaash-“ 

The foot was too big to be Akaashi. In fact, the shoe was red and reminded him of a certain volleyball captain. Then and there, Bokuto decided he didn’t like his life so he wasn’t going to deal with it. Flopping back down, he drew his knees up and rolled away from the shoe. He didn’t need this crap. 

Unfortunately, the shoe owner didn’t know how to read the room. 

“Hey, I’m sorry, okay?” 

It was decidedly not okay, and Bokuto just rolled up tighter. 

“It was rude of me to run away, but you took me off guard. I’ve been crushing on you for ages, and I never expected you to just bounce up to me and introduce yourself! It was the shock, bro, the shock.”

“Bo.”

“What?”

“Bo. My name is _Bo_ kuto, not _Bro_ kuto.”

Kuroo stared at him for a moment. Then laughed. A loud, wonderful laugh. Bokuto felt his lips turning up as well, but then Kuroo through an arm around his shoulder and he lost all his breath. 

“We are going to be best bros, I can tell.”

~o~

In some ways, being friends with Kuroo was amazing. _Amazing_. That didn’t take away from Akaashi of course – but ‘Kaashi was the sensible friend, who stopped Bokuto from having adventures. Kuroo was an instigator, a leader, and Bokuto loved it. 

“Bokuto-san, I’m banning you from seeing Kuroo-san for the next three weeks.”

They were at practice, and Bokuto had just hit the most amazing cross, and was feeling so good and then Akaashi said that? 

“What? ‘Kaashi? You harsh my rainbow? Why? Why would you keep me from my best bro?”

Akaashi just glared at him. “Because, we have a competition in three weeks’ time, and you will be off the middle weekend.”

Bokuto’s lips made an ‘o’. Oh yeah. Because of his blocker shots, he was incredibly regular, so the team knew which days he’d be out. It was harder with some of the others with natural cycles, and he got side-eyed a few times for his clockwork regularity, but the coach didn’t question, as it made him easy to schedule around. And this one was important, since it was the actual heat before he got his blocker shot again. It meant he couldn’t miss it. Still.

“But, ‘Kaashiiiiiiii.”

“No, Bokuto-san. We need our ace. Odds are if you go and have an ‘adventure’,” and yeah, Akaashi used sarcastic finger quotes. What a guy! A rude guy, but still. “Then you are going to get somehow injured and that affects the team. You lead us, Bokuto-san. You.”

Bokuto pouted, but he also knew Akaashi wasn’t wrong. Somehow when they went on their adventures, Kuroo walked out almost always unscathed whereas Bokuto got damaged. Mildly damaged! Not enough to really affect anything, but bruised hips, and mild sprains, were normal. 

Rallying, Bokuto tried staring Akaashi down. Who crossed his arms over his chest, and didn’t waver. Deflating, Bokuto nodded his head. Walking over, Akaashi patted his shoulder. 

“Thank you. We won’t win unless our captain can lead us to victory.”

~o~

_omg bro! Best Idea Ever. You up for it? This weekend?_

Bokuto was so tempted. So tempted. He was weak, and the temptation of Kuroo was strong, but the disappointment of Akaashi was stronger. 

_Brooooooooo. I wanna ۹(ÒہÓ)۶ I wanna ۹(ÒہÓ)۶ I wanna ۹(ÒہÓ)۶ But I can’t! comp plus next week I’m out anyway and if I come back to training injured ‘Kaashi will kill meヽ(ﾟДﾟ)ﾉ. This is not a drill!!!!! ヽ(ﾟДﾟ)ﾉヽ(ﾟДﾟ)ﾉ_

Sighing sadly, Bokuto put his phone down, only to pick it up when in rang seconds later. He didn’t even get to say hello as Kuroo spoke right over him. 

“Okay, so maybe Akaashi has a point. Even I don’t understand how you can be so accident prone, but – and hear me out here – what if we just hang out and get ice cream. My treat! Akaashi can’t find anything wrong with that, right?”

“You don’t know Akaashi. He can find a way to disapprove of everything.”

Kuroo laughed his wonderful laugh, and Bokuto felt his insides warm.

“I hears you! We should totally get him and Kenma to hang out. They can both disapprove of everything we do. But how about it? Gotta get my bro time!”

~o~

Of course Bokuto went. Not only was he easily led astray (especially without Akashi there to keep him on track), but he liked Kuroo. That thought came to him when he was licking his cone of salted caramel blondie and mint chip and he stopped, mid lick. Kuroo happened to look over at him, and laughed. 

“Bro, you look ridiculous.”

Shutting his mouth, Bokuto stared at his ice cream, watching the mint flow down the side of the cone. Because fuck. Fuck. He liked Kuroo. That’s what Akaashi had been saying! That he, Bokuto _liked_ Kuroo and-

“Bo? Bo, what’s up? You okay?”

Looking into Kuroo’s eyes, Bokuto saw nothing but care and he realised this was it. The love in his heart was too much, and he couldn’t, wouldn’t lie. 

“Kuroo, I-“

Not that he got to finish his sentence. Kuroo backed away, slightly, and rubbed an embarrassed hand over his mouth. 

“Shit, you figured me out.”

What?

“I’m sorry, Bo, I tried to be friends, I did, but I can’t. I mean, I don’t want to.”

Bokuto felt his heart shatter. “You don’t want to be friends?”

Eyes wide, Kuroo held out a hand, “Shit! That came out wrong! I meant I don’t _just_ want to be friends. I… I like you, Bo. I like you a lot, and I want you to be my boyfriend.”

In that moment, the world stopped. Kuroo’s eyes were frozen in time: bright and honest and beautiful, and Bokuto could say with his own bright and beautiful honesty that he had never, ever been happier. 

That was until his brain caught up, reminding him that Kuroo thought he was an _alpha_ , and despite his looks, Bokuto was very much not an alpha. Bokuto’s stomach dropped and his head swam. Before his eyes Kuroo’s hopeful and honest face splintered. Because Bokuto had been lying this whole time, and Kuroo thought he’d fallen in love with an alpha. 

This was no the worst experience in his whole entire existence. There was literally nothing that could be worse about this situation! How could he let Kuroo know, and still keep their friendship? He tried to think about it, but before he had even a single thought in his head, words were coming out his mouth. 

“You’re great and you’re my best bro. I think it needs to stay that way, ‘cos you are all sorts of perfection, and you think you know me, but you don’t. So, we need to go back to how we were. Bros. Friends. Bromigos. And it’s definitely me, it’s my fault. You’re perfect.”

And then he ran away. 

He didn’t remember getting home. The image of Kuroo’s shocked and upset face was burnt on his retinas. His brain came up with a jaunty jingle, _I did that. I’m a horrible person. I did that_ , which is played on repeat. Even now, lying on his bed sobbing his heart out his brain was reminding him what a trash human being he was. Because he’d hurt _Kuroo_. One of his most favourite people in the world. 

Bokuto didn’t deserve anything nice ever again. 

~o~

A week passed and he didn’t hear from Kuroo. Sure, Bokuto didn’t contact the alpha either, but… he can’t deal with it. The rejection. Although a little part of him wonders if Kuroo felt rejected. He hopes not, because he wasn’t Bokuto didn’t reject _Kuroo_. Kuroo just didn’t realise that Bokuto had been lying to him since they met. He wouldn’t start a relationship on a lie.

Oh god. Bokuto didn’t deserve happiness. He’s a bad person who deserves bad things. His body agreed, and for the last couple of days has been hot and sore, and today was definitely the worst. He felt so bad, and it just added to his well-deserved misery. 

Bokuto planned on doing the most grueling practice in the gym – he’d do all the things he hated, because Bokuto didn’t deserve any happiness. He was a terrible person. The knowledge that he was going to get his punishment pushed him through the day, but when the last bell rang, he finally realised it wasn’t his body turning on him. No, it was his heat coming early. Well fuck. 

_Maybe that is my body turning on me_ , he thought miserably. 

But fuck… While the suppressants should cover his scent, there was no way he’d make it through a normal training session, let alone what he had planned. Even ignoring that, he felt like he was going to burst into tears at any moment, and while he might deserve the humiliation, no one else should have to put up with that. Bokuto should suffer alone. 

Grabbing his bag, he didn’t bother talking to classmates. Just headed straight to the gym, hoping to get there, talk to coach, and leave, before anyone else arrives. Luckily coach is there, so Bokuto marches straight up to him. 

“Sorry, sensei, I’m gonna be out for the next week. I… I… I just gotta go.”

Yamiji looks at him, and it goes on long enough that Bokuto starts fidgeting. Was that really such a strange thing to say? People called out all the time, it was just Bokuto whose heats were super regular. When the coach took a delicate sniff, Bokuto started to panic. Really? Were his suppressants failing too? Coach starts to say something, and Bokuto almost hyperventilates – does coach know he’s an omega? Or is he going to have to stay? He can’t! He won’t make it through and he’s already hot and twitchy and-

Eventually the coach just nods. “Okay, Bokuto. Thanks for letting me know. Head home and we’ll see you next week.”

Almost drooping with relief, Bokuto nods in return. He can hear the sound of a ball bouncing on the floor, and he really doesn’t want to have to talk to anyone. Spinning on his toe he marches away, making sure to not make eye contact with anyone, and he would have made it back out the door except-

“Oi! Where are you off to?” Kohona yelled at him.

Turning to face him, Bokuto leers in the most alpha way possible. “Gotta take gooooood care of myself.” 

His awesome parting line was wrecked when he walked smack bang into Akaashi and went tumbling down. 

_This is it_ , he thought. _This is how I die. Bokuto Koutarou, 18 years old and dead from a head injury received when he walked into his kohai. His shorter and smaller kohai_. 

Perhaps he deserved such embarrassment even in death. 

Somehow though, instead of head smashing against the wall, Akaashi gets an arm under his waist and keeps him on his feet. In any other situation it would be romantic. If it was Kuroo it would be romantic… 

“Wow ‘Kaashi, you’re strong.” Apparently Bokuto’s brain didn’t need to be connected to his mouth. The words came out anyway. 

“And you’re hot,” he’s informed tersely. 

Blinking, Bokuto continues looking up in to Akaashi’s face and considers the words. Hot. As in good looking? He totally was, but this was _Akaashi_. “Are you hitting on me ‘Kaashi? Cos I don’t know how I feel about that.”

The look he gets in return is nothing short of incredulous. Finally, he pulls Bokuto up so his standing on his own two feet. Bokuto doesn’t miss the way he hovers. 

“Aside from the fact that I am dating someone-“

“What?” This was news to Bokuto. Who was it? How did Bokuto not know? “Who? Who is my sweet summer child dating? I didn’t approve this! I would have remembered that!”

“Aside from that,” Akaashi just talks over him. Rude. “You’re in love with Kuroo.”

Oh. Kuroo. Bokuto drooped. For the first time in a week he’d had something other than Kuroo on his mind and Akaashi had to go and do _that_. Immediately his heart clenched. Now he didn’t even care about who Akaashi was dating. What did it matter when Bokuto was destined to be alone forever more? With a sad smile, Bokuto went to walk away, but Akaashi grabbed his wrist and frowned deeper. They waited silently until Bokuto realised that Akaashi was expecting an answer. 

“That’s… it’s not going to work with Kuroo,” he whispered. “It’s… Kuroo’s great. I don’t deserve him. He deserves someone great. Someone he likes. And al-” He couldn’t say that! What was wrong with him? He muffled a sob, but that didn’t stop the tears gathering in the corner of his eyes. He immediately blamed it on hormones. Which meant that he reeeeeeally should get home. “I gotta go, ‘Kaashi. See you next week!”

And he bounded away, before remembering he’d been sidetracked. Spinning around he waved his arms to get Akaashi’s attention, even though he hadn’t moved an inch, and was still standing there, arms crossed in a very judging manner over his chest. 

“I’m gonna be out for a week, so I’m leaving the team in your capable hands. See you when I get back.”

And hopefully, Bokuto thought, by that time they would have moved on. 

Well at least Kuroo. He deserved happiness. Bokuto was going to mourn the loss of what could have been for the rest of eternity.

**Author's Note:**

> okay so obviously is a chapter 2, so I might see if I can bounce off one of the other prompts for BoKuroo week and get this baby finished. :)


End file.
